A Wonderful Feeling: An Interview with Cecilia Chung
Past President of San Francisco LGTB Pride Celebration Committee and member of A&PIWC's Board of Directors
From the June/July 2001 issue of rice combo.

What do you do at Tom Waddell Health Center?
I am a health worker. This is a transitional housing program for people who are chronically homeless. We provide case management services as well as some medical service support for the clients in the building.

I first started in the HIV field at a residential program for people who are triply diagnosed: they were HIV positive, had a substance abuse problem and some kind of mental health issue. I too am HIV positive, have a history of substance abuse and a mental health diagnosis. Today I am in recovery and taking medication for my depression and am definitely taking care of my health. I can show people what worked for me and hopefully it works for them. That is the idea behind peer counseling and support: somebody has been in those situations and can share their strengths and hope.

What brought you into recovery?
I came into recovery in September of 1995. I went into recovery because I felt really mentally and spiritually bankrupt. I was hospitalized numerous times in the psychiatric unit because of my drug use. My health started deteriorating, especially after I got assaulted by two men in August of that same year. I wasn't able to take care of myself. At one point, the only source of nutrition I was getting was from Project Open Hand -- which I am grateful for and indebted to -- as well as Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center's volunteers coming to visit me, spend time with me and bring me food. It was an opportunity for me to decide whether I wanted to continue that lifestyle or to make some changes. I had nowhere to turn, so I decided I needed to change.

What was that lifestyle?
I was doing sex work in the Tenderloin and a lot of drugs in the process. I do not think my story is unique because there are a lot of other transgender women doing the same thing. The big part of it is I was very insecure: I did not feel like I fitted in with the rest of the world and it seemed like it was the only place that would accept me.

How did you find that world?
I decided to transition in 1993. I had graduated from college and still had an okay relationship with my parents, but as soon as I decided to transition, the whole picture changed. I had a fall-out with my parents and had to move out of their house and into the Tenderloin where I became homeless for a number of years, living in different transitional hotels. Being in the middle of transition, it was very difficult for me to find a job because there were too many questions to answer and some of them I didn't feel comfortable enough answering yet. It seemed like easy money, everybody else seemed to be doing it, and that was where I found my community, other transgender girls who had similar situations or stories, who came together seeking that lifestyle and support.

What made you decide to transition?
I always knew that how I felt inside was not how I looked outside. As a child, I was always feminine. I always felt that I was seeing something different in my reflection, something was not truly reflecting. I had long discussions with my mother. My mother had been discouraging me about the transition for a very long time. When I turned 28, I decided I needed to do it for myself because I was not going to live my life for my parents anymore. And at the time, it seemed like there was a huge community growing, so I came out. Of course, my father was not receptive at all. He was really upset. He felt that it was wrong. We had a fight and I left my parents. I knew that I was definitely going through with the transition. I was not ready for all the consequences and baggage that goes along with it: drugs, pain, sex work, homelessness. But it happened. Did it change my decision to be who I am? No. It was the one right thing I was doing in my life.

What would you tell a transgender woman who is beginning her transition and is looking for a place to go?
There are definitely other places now that are open and receptive to the transgender community. For instance, my being the president of the San Francisco Pride Celebration Committee. One thing I really want to work on is to project a positive role model to other women who are transitioning at this point, who do not relate to the Tenderloin culture, who want to find a community. Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center (A&PIWC) is doing a great job with the peer leaders and the Rice Girls and the Metamorphosis Girls. Those are definitely very glamorous and positive images that can be projected for others to see that you do not have to do sex work and drugs to make friends. There are communities for them. I wish there were more and I think that is something we need to build on.

There are a lot of transgenders of color in the Tenderloin. Do transgenders of color have less access to resources?
That is a very good question. There are definitely a lot of women of color. It depends on where the person comes from, on her socio-economic background. I am not saying that Caucasians have more privilege, but a lot of times the reasons are different. I know a lot of Hispanic girls are trying to provide for their families back home and the quickest way to make money is through sex work. I know a lot of girls who think this is a way of getting validation. A lot of times, what you see may not be an accurate depiction of what is going on. I am talking about the Tenderloin, but I am not talking about the invisible community of sex work: if you buy a copy of some of those newspapers with thousands and thousands of ads, sometimes girls are using that as a venue to do their work. The more visible ones are, yes, people of color. A lot of times, maybe because it is heavily related to drug use, a lot of times, maybe because of their green card status.

There are a lot of girls out there who are leading a healthy life, but they are not the ones who are visible. People are transitioning at all levels, no matter what their socio-economic status. It just happens the more visible one are the ones you see are down and out in the Tenderloin who are people of color. I definitely think that some biases and prejudices play into it, but I am not comfortable saying that that is the reason for it to happen that way, that they are marginalized because they are people of color. And I honestly do not think I have enough experience and knowledge to play expert to that.

How did you get involved with Pride?
I was invited to join the board in 1998. That was the same year I had my sex change operation. Someone had heard me speak at a training. He mentioned my name to the president at the time, Calvin Gibson. I thought it was a good way to give back to the community.

What does giving back entail?
The biggest part is projecting a positive image for all those who are out there who do not think there is light at the end of the tunnel. I do not think I can do much except continuously play that role, to let people know that we can survive, and we do have a life, and we can be just as fabulous and queerific as other people. We broadcast to many different cities. Maybe in one of these cities, just one person might be thinking of transitioning and sees one of us and he or she sees that he or she is not alone after all. That is the biggest motivation for all of us to be involved with PRIDE, to let the world know that we are here and we are not alone.

What is your relationship with your family now?
I am still struggling with the relationship with my father. It is difficult for a Chinese father to accept that he lost a son and gained a daughter. But I have a great relationship with my mother. She is my best friend and that is something I am really grateful for. I have reconciled with my mother's side of the family, my grandparents, my aunts. They have all met me and welcomed me and accepted me. And that is a wonderful feeling to know that I am still loved.

Cecilia is a member of the Board of Directors for the Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center.

For more information on the Transgender Program at Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center or copies of We Are Special, our brochure on Transgenders and HIV, please contact Tamika Gonzales at 292-3400 x351.



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